The past two months have been some of the most trying times in my personal life yet. They have also been some of the most exciting and memorable, don't get me wrong. But usually, at least in my life, the moments full of change and excitement are often the most difficult seasons.
I have officially labeled this season of my life "The Waiting Game".
You see, as glorious and fun as I sometimes make graduating a semester early, immediately getting married, and "adventuring" around the country with my baseball loving husband... this choice is only becoming more and more daunting as the days pass.
The Waiting Game hits us all I believe, in one season of life or another.
Maybe it's refreshing your email inbox by the minute, hoping the "accepted" email will come through, as all of your friends have celebrated where they will be going next.
Maybe it's spending nights alone while praying the Lord will bring you a husband or a wife, even though you're the last of your friends to reach marriage.
Maybe it's the realization that you can't have children while all of your friends are showing up pregnant everywhere you turn.
Maybe it's crying yourself to sleep that first month after losing someone you love, while everyone else is ending their nights with joy and smiles.
Maybe it's hoping you could just finally change who you are and stop making the same mistakes over and over again.
Maybe it's waiting for that promotion after you worked so hard for years, and everyone but you seems to be moving up.
We all have different waiting games. But at the end of the day, they are all a painful wait.
Recently for me, my waiting game has been waiting for a job after applying to over 25 places in the past two weeks alone.
As the weeks have turned into months in this season's waiting game, I have found joy slowly leaving. My motivation is diminishing, and celebrating the little things in life is happening as often.
The thing about waiting that trips me up the most, is my inability to do anything other than look at my surroundings.
Watching the peers I sat in classes with celebrating their dream jobs in the hippest city. Scrolling my social media feeds that are glistening with each user's greatest accomplishments. I just can't help but continually looking at everyone around me, wondering why the heck I am still in this stupid waiting game.
Anyone else out there feel me on this? Have any of you ever thought the same thing? Like, why the heck am I still in this season?!
But I've been realizing the reason why this wait is so daunting to me. I am keeping my eyes focused on the world's season instead of my creator's season.
As much as I want to turn my waiting heart and feast on what the world is feeding me, I have to change my view to what God says about my waiting game.
One of my favorite songs is Seasons by Hilsong United.
"I can see the promise; I can see the future
You’re the God of seasons ; I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest ; Is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done working ; God I’m not done waiting"
The waiting game is going to happen. But the Lord is right there with us in our seasons.
Fix your eyes on him. Don't focus on "who" is doing "what" around you. Focus your heart and mind to what the Lord is sharing with you. Start your morning focused on His promises and His word, then revisit with him every time you start to turn your eyes away from Him.
Focus on what he is teaching you during your waiting game.
"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God."